anxiety + me by Aiden Nimer

it gets harder to breathe with each passing day
heart beating faster, flooding the veins
that feed my brain, my blood wrapping its
goddamn suffocating hands around my throat and
reaching up over my face, a tender embrace

i never asked for this
never asked for all the heartbeats and the breathing
never asked for the warmth of a pulse, see
no one gave a thought to the cold when they made me
when they reached in and reached out to find me
and when they put a collar on my soul and handed the leash
off to whatever still lurks behind me
driving me
they never thought they were doing a bad thing
they thought they were helping
they thought that when they took me from nowhere with nothing
and put me somewhere with something
they were working miracles
because making something out of nothing is a miracle, right?
is it a miracle or is it just blasphemy?
they thought they were helping
they thought they were god

but to pluck me out of stars and cage me
is no godly act
life could’ve been so beautiful but
i’m stuck here pulling at the leash
fighting against the rope around my throat so hard that i
can’t fucking breathe
and i can barely see but i’ll stay on my feet
because i won’t go back to nothing
i’ll take this misery, this loneliness, this burning in my chest
i’ll take this blasphemy and turn it into something freed
because you must also know warmth to feel yourself freeze
i’ll show them what a goddamn miracle is

my miracle today is that
thought it hurts to breathe
i puff my chest out anyway.
i may have never asked to be born but
now that i’m here i refuse to step away.
step down. no, i
refuse to die.

​

Aiden Nimer

has pulled himself back together when falling apart through music and writing. He loves art and storytelling in every form, and this love is matched only by his love for his pets. May come off as somewhat intimidating, but really he’s kind of a softie. ​Find his writing blog at smokenhoney.tumblr.com.